Bear~~

I sat on the hill in the early morning hours,looking over at the mountain range and thought of my grandfather, what he would say to me . One can only imagine and I can't apologize to him as that is not for me to do at all. I sat and spoke with him in the cool morning breezes with the sun at my back and cried. Cried like I never have before and likely never will again, it was raw and deep. Looking up into that mountain range in front of me I could see his face looking down. One can only imagine what he was trying to convey as today was to be like no other I will ever have again in my life.

Bear~ the nickname has a funny story to it as does mine they go hand in hand ~ he is a bear, not to big, cuddly yet so tender and venerable, that is what makes it so hard on many levels. To witness that and see a person so torn up inside to the point that I can't touch the pain, it devastates me for I played that hand. A shimmering glimpse of the warmness came through if only for a moment, it eased my soul The pain fiercely immense for myself, resembles death of which I have experienced so many times that I have come to understand it. Personally, I would have rather been raped, allowing me to face it then only to be whisked away, but that will not happen. Strangely unique metaphor but a true one for me at least, one that you will come to understand..

Over the years it became customary to acquire a bear, whether a holiday, cherished moment or just because it was always my highlight. Which moment in time will he remember and surprise me, whether big or small they all tell a story ~ I treasure each one of them as they continue the memories that bring a smile or simple grin to myself as these are our memories, ones that no one can ruin or taint. My favorite bear? The Tuxedo bear, he sits with me now as I remember as if it was yesterday....... the evening was a gift, a promise kept of a Red Dress and a Man in a Tuxedo.......with a Rose ............