Oh my !!

I was doing so well having no contact with him, the days seemed to go by endlessly even though in the back of my mind I knew I was not getting the closure I needed. Mail has been received which breaks my heart, not for me but for him. I am not the bad guy here yet at times I feel like I am and why I cannot answer that either. I like life, I have fun with life and with those whom I have around me. I have been fortunate to be afforded certain things and are they of value ? NO!! Not to me just fun items I have found along my way. Life is to be enjoyed and besides if you can't have a laugh at yourself then whom can you laugh at?

My issue is that there is no apology of what took place in my home, the total violation of ones being, the lose of items that were given to me and yes that betrayal. To this day I sleep on the sofa and that door remains closed. I can't go in as when I do it punches me in the stomach to think of what took place in my bedroom. To even imagine someone coming into my home, my sanctuary and "pretending" it is theirs. To change the address to mine, to assume you are me which of course you cannot nor ever will be. To go through my belongings to take them as if they are yours as well is just so totally vial. Yet they are fine with that , to play "pretend house" to actually believe that is O.K.? The total denial of not owning what one did is a mystery to me. There is so much to be returned that I wonder when this will end.

Today I did something out of character and I have no reason why, I was sitting at my desk and for some reason hit his phone number and texted him in my way to say a simple "Hi" then my pet name for him. It was only two very simple words to be honest. My phone dropped when it went through, I was shocked even stunned as I saw the "d" meaning that it was delivered come up . The wounds reopened immediately, the mere thought that there could be an adult conversation was thrilling to me but then the phone rang the ring tone that I had given to him and I froze not knowing what to say besides Hello... I did and the voice on the other end was not his, it was someone whom again was violating a space. ~ to which I began to laugh as I never intruded in his private space that is called TRUST. Of which I can see there is none there which even makes me laugh even harder.

TRUST, what a powerful word and to think I trusted this man with my life, the lies the deceit are overwhelming at best. My thoughts however still remain, what type of person does this and how can they look at themselves in the mirror on a daily basis? I am really stuck here at this point and as far as I thought I had come I guess I have not .............