HOUDINI?

I find the early morning hours to be the hardest for me. My schedule is so regimented that to even have the slightest upset sets my world upside down. I awake at 3:00 a.m. make coffee, hit the computer to send out emails and follow up on others,then get ready to train or get myself set to do a round of cardio depending on the day of the week. However there is a piece missing ...........

How does one disappear from one's life in the matter of hours, days even weeks? To walk away to some degree while not thoroughly looking at the carnage one has left behind, but has he actually left it behind? That is my question that burns in the back of my mind every second of every day, try as I might to push it down and out of my head. The clothes are here, mail still arrives daily, the family pictures of his children and grandchildren line the walls and of course the scent of him lingers on. Silly, I sleep in his shirts and place my head on a stuffed bear that was given to me. In some ways it helps me even if for only a few hours of the night.
I wonder at times if he has driven by to "scope" out the house and see when the time may be right to stop by and pick up whatever he can, thinking all along that someone may not be here. Each night after letting the dog out I look and say, "Sleep with the Angels" why? That I cannot answer, some may call me crazy but to be hateful and vindictive is just not my style! FLAMETHROWER? Trust me that did cross my mind as I laugh at this very moment just thinking about the self-satisfaction I would get by burning everything in site . In the end that is way to much work and takes me away from my passion, my life and what I do best . Oh granted, there are many unanswered questions and I may never get those answers. Try as I might, the hold is still here on many levels and that also fascinates me, along with the confusion.................... The fat lady has not sung her song and my story continues .....and this is only a snippet of what is to come