As some of you may know I embarked on a journey one that lead me down a very interesting path, one I will carry with me forever, good or bad. Has it changed me, yes in many ways.That journey has lead me to begin a non-profit for women and to reach out to a new network that I hope will take shape in new and facinating places. Trust and believe I am still mystifyed myself! For now the journey begins when I came home ~ and what I faced that never even entered my mind or realm that one person could do what had been done ~ All in the name of trust a very loose word in my vocabulary at this writing. Do I trust yes and will continue to but with a new vision on that word.
I arrived home on June 20th, no worse for wear but still reeling from the previous month's, looking to reconnect with old friends and business associates. We settled in for the day and just enjoyed the company of one another, the banter, ordering take-out and just being together.We vegged on the sofa and when it was time to sleep I relished the smell of him and just being able to place my head on his shoulder for that night. Of course sex would have been FABO! it is not always about the badda bing badda boom as our relationship had evolved on many levels and layers. Just to be alone with someone means more than the actual act at times.
Little did I know or understand that my life would come crashing down on top of me. After 18 hours of being home, I was alone, yes alone. The man who had stuck by me or the man I thought had been by my side had decided on a different path. Now mind you I am still settling in, getting my feet wet and to be honest I did not even go near the computer! Who does that!
"We have to talk" were the words out of his mouth, not what ones wants to hear, it has the same feeling as the call in the middle of the night or the knock on the door. I knew immediately where he was headed and that was to be the undoing of my life. As the day wore on I was indeed o.k. with the decision as I knew it, he was at his son's house and after a period of separation such as mine it took a toll. I was cool with it all, I asked for was open communciation as I trevailed the passages of mail on the desk and table. Little did I know then it was not to be that way. Secrets,the secrets came out, not by him but by my neighbor in a very innocent conversation. One thing lead to another as I felt my way thru the house knowing in the back of my mind that indeed someone had made a temporary home here while I was gone.
One thing a man should NEVER do is think that we do not know what we have. Getta grip guys trust me we know. Being the proud owner of 400+ pairs of shoes I can inform you of the one pair I am missing. My silver bracelets are my trademark along with my hair, I wear the special pieces I hold close to my heart on my left wrist one was missing, a gift from a client. Then the earrings, the tennis bracelet, the strand of my grandmothers pearls was also gone, only to be brought back by happenstance. My bride had indeed received them as a gift for "something borrowed" not from him but by her, drawers tossed, clothes disheveled and presumably tried on. I was now not only dealing with a passive/aggressive man who was stuck at an emotional level of an 8 year old but someone else. Someone whom had violated my space before. Time wore on as I eagerly went through bills all the while thinking this is just not happening. My accounts were closed, my cell turned off ( I was under the impressionit was suspended ) and I was alone totally alone left to fight a battle I really had no idea how to fight. BITTER? no just amazed at the way someone can turn on the heels and leave 98% of his belonging here but to think that I would not come to find out. Is it the case of another woman? Yes and no I was the "other woman" in a former life but never invaded personal space. Was I aware of this person oh yes, she had made herself known before in a more malicious manner. I am not upset with her by any means she is another pawn, or has he put it so eloquently "she wishes to have your life" YA strip me like last years Versace and wear me! So she got a taste of what it is like to be me ~ the last taste she will ever have.
So my quest begins with the payment of bills that are not in my name and are past due, the checks that were written and bounced and the fact I have zero funds to pay them! HAHAHA. Before you ask yes, I am fortunate to have "funds" but am not allowed to access them due to the market and how I indeed structured them for OUR future.I sit scared,alone,determined and in many ways in awe of this man. That is what freaks everyone out, well those whom know ~ why awe? It is facinating to me, how one can place themself in a self imposed prison. She will not be the growing old with me woman trust me~just not his style ~
I am not bitter at all, no no no I have no reason to be I have emerged the victor no matter how many years we were together. I am stronger today ( maybe) then I have ever been. Do I need him? To a degree yes, and he knows that right now one that we agreed upon mutually and that will come about later as this story is only the beginning not the end of an empowered woman............
